I’m down to 136 on the scale this morning =]

That is about a 24lb weight loss since January. I stopped trying to lose weight 5-6 weeks ago. I started focusing on running, and eating to fuel that obsession. I’m eating much more than I ever would dieting and still losing weight =] 5 more pounds since the Biggest Loser competition ended.

I’m seeing such a difference in my stomach… it’s amazing! All this ab work and running is showing everywhere. My calves are rocking =]

Marathon training is going well. 10 miles in 1 hour and 53 minutes for my longest run so far. I’ve been shaving my 6 mile down by a few minutes too – down to 1 hour and 2 minutes!

Things are going well with school. Passing all my test. Hair cutting started this week and I’m having difficulty coordinating my hands with the comb and the scissors. I always just want to pop the comb in my mouth so I have a ‘free’ hand rather than palming the shears and the comb together. So many minimal techniques that have to be mastered before I can progress. I’m on my way though! NO QUITTING ALLOWED.

And… johnny apologized for his behavior on Sunday. A little too late, but at least I’m not crazy and didn’t imagine it all. I know he is stressed about money. He’s just so not himself when he is stressed. All is forgiven. We just have to make it through this very busy year. I really hope he gets a call about the next steps to complete the mill process. He would be nearly making double what he is now and we’re desperate.

Yesterday sucked.

Saturday I was in school all day… I came home to my husbands first attempt at making dinner. It was pretty good too! There were flowers and a card on the table from he and the boys. I got choked up and the evening was filled with Johnny being sweet and getting up to do things for himself and the boys. Usually, at least it seems, it will just hint at me or tell me to do something for him and the kids. It is kind of irritating. Most men call women nags, but Johnny is certainly a nag.

I was so excited to wake up Sunday morning and go visit our old church! My nephew had his dedication there. I was really hoping the Lord had something special for me…

Nah, all I got was a pissy attitude from my husband. Why? I’m not exactly sure but I really did try to figure it out.

We ended up in the hallway talking with friends during the service. That was basically what the band would do after worship… so when Johnny saw his brother and best friend exit… so did he. Well the kids wanted to go see dad so I took them out there hoping to leave them and return to service since Johnny wasn’t interested and I, as usual, was but never actually get to sit in service. Levi was clingy so I couldn’t return. Johnny says we should just go… but I hadn’t got to talk to anyone yet and that is the best part of church! FELLOWSHIP. So I get a little snippy because he;s wanted to leave since we got there. He won’t go get my purse though and I don’t want to be stopped at the door asking where I’m going since I’m never there and people miss me. 

So after our little sarcastic bout in the hallway I just head to the car because now I’m just so upset that he is rushing me and nothing is going well. He finally comes out and some people find me in the car and greet me. Then we leave… I’m trying not to say anything but I’m just not understanding what his problem is. Then he says I just don’t get him. He said that he knew I wanted to talk to people but I should have respected that he didn’t. WHAT? Why? Why couldn’t you respect that talking to people was important to me? Especially on mother’s day… especially after a year of not visiting?

Now I’m pretty pissed off at his selfishness. It is time to go to his moms. We can’t afford to go out to eat with my parents. I felt bad but figured I’d meet up with my mom later on. Johnny tells the boys we are dropping off mommy at home and grabbing Grammy’s flowers first. WHAT? We are not dropping off mommy… you jerk! Mommy may be pissed but she is not leaving her kids and sitting home alone. Granted every mom wants some time alone, but goodness gracious… can someone ask me what I want today? By now I’m piping hot. I’m grateful for saturday evening, but Johnny’s temperament has me so confused and frustrated. I tell him I’m going to his moms. And he says not angry like that because then his family will be more mad at me. WELL THEN HELP ME GET OVER THIS! Gosh darn it… do you even give two shits about me today? What the hell did I do wrong anyway???

We get to his moms he takes the kids in and I’m drying my tears in the car… I decide I will just go alone out to eat with my parents if he’s going to give me the cold shoulder. At least then I won;t feel bad for not spending time with her… even though I wanted to take my kids, they really really wanted to go to Grammy’s. So I play the hand I’m dealt for the day.

We all get home a couple hours later. Johnny is still in dick mode. I finally crack the code slightly. Apparently he thinks I wanted to talk to my ex boyfriends family because they were there. WHAT? Umm they are family friends, but there were literally 2 dozen people I could list off that I wanted to hug and they were not top of the listers. I love them, but ever since the guy told me I should have been his daughter in law… I’ve kept my distance for Johnny’s sake and just because it made things uncomfortable.

To top it off I assured Johnny I wasn’t interested in talking it up with them, and he thinks I’m lying. I have no idea why either. 

Oh and then he FB’s that mother’s day should be about moms and kids and fathers should get to go do whatever they want alone. ASSHOLE!