April 3, 2013
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who took my emotions?
I know this will be choppy. I can’t connect my words, I can hardly understand my own thoughts.
Logic just says, “what is so bad? things are going well, no blow ups, no one is hitting anyone… the kids are good.”
Then I think, right. Of course… everything will be fine. It has to be… we are a family and I will get through this.
So, I’ve made up my mind. That was easy.
Why the hell isn’t my heart listening to me?
I’m trying to feel something.
If I am being honest, totally, and brutally so… I’m just not interested.
I’m hoping my sex drive is just low and I haven’t lost all my desire for him.
There is a lump in my throat as I try to find words for the emptiness, the lack of emotion.
They tried to postpone our first counseling session again… I felt like a jerk telling her I just can’t wait ANOTHER week. I’ve lost hope that this counseling group will help us… but maybe because they haven’t got their hands dirty yet and when they see me I’m smiling as usual.
I wish I could cry or something.
Can’t even get a line of poetry… I’m numb. the lump in my throat left quickly.
I also wish this was a better blog.
Comments (4)
“I also wish this was a better blog”
Who cares about that? You’re real and honest and that’s a good blog, at least to me.
Hugs!
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents - it just feels so unkept, oddly misplaced… uneasy… oh wait – I’m describing myself.
ha =]thanks.
Feelings, hearts, are rather slow things. Deciding that all is really well, nothing is wrong, or we will work on this, it can be fixed, is one thing an important thing. But those thoughts do not change the way you feel. Your feelings do not change right away. It took time for the passions to cool, it will take time for some of it to come back. Try to make time your friend, not your enemy. You caught your changing heart in time, now give it time to heal.
Sometimes when we are confused about thoughts and.or feeling, it is going to come out all mishmash. when I am in that state, I can only write in phrases, usually I write poetry when I have more intense feelings. But sometimes things are so confusing, I feel I cant write… I either need to think or need some distraction to calm me down.