Okay, first of all, breathe. Just count to ten and do nothing but breathe. Secondly, that noise at the end WAS really loud for us.
I’m going to speak candidly so I apologize in advance for anything that is offensive. I’m not trying to be offensive.
Listen, everybody makes mistakes. Every single person. Every single married couple no matter how long they are married goes through times where they get tired of the other person’s shit. Times where they think to themselves, I don’t know if I can take another hour of this, let alone the rest of our lives. ANyone who tells you that’s not a part of marriage is lying to you. In order for any relationship to work, you have to be realistic. It’s not your job to make him happy. It’s not his job to make you happy. Marriage is not about being happy. It’s about love, which often, has not a lot to do with happiness. Anyone who says it does is also lying to you. Love is a decision that you make to support another human being through their shit the way you want to be supported through yours. Not only is it hard, it’s likely one of the hardest things you could ever set out to do. No one tells you that.
My first thought when I watched your video aside from wanting to give you a great big hug, was did you tell HIM this stuff? I don’t care if he doesn’t want to talk, make him listen. Sit him down and tell him what you told us. His initial reaction doesn’t matter. You can’t go forward and neither can he if you leave roadblocks in the way he doesn’t even know about. Then give him time to process it. You both deserve that.
There’s no such thing as “a little counseling”. Marriage counseling, when done right, is grueling and painful. But it’s the only way to heal. You gotta clean out the infection in order to heal.
Whether you move forward together, or apart, that has to happen. You have to be honest with you and know what you want. A marriage can work despite major difficulties. Those feelings can come back around if you do the work now. Make no mistake though, it’s WORK. Walking away is WORK too.
Oh I told him everything. I’m candid. and when I drink… I was beyond candid, if that’s possible. I could usually wrap things up in a nice lovely bubble wrap… but alcohol takes away that bubble wrap of love. I hurt him BAD. This video was yesterday morning… so this was saturday night that i went out and shit got real. All day we talked and shared. spend time just ‘dealing’ and being civil. hugged when we didn’t have words and tried to find something hopeful to hold onto… but then it got weird again. that happens a lot. It is very confusing. I can usually shut of my concerns and just love him, take care of him and be there…. and then suddenly my fears, concerns and pain take that away and I”ms tuck again.
@xXrEMmUsXx - I’m glad! Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day and a good talk doesn’t clear it up right away, you know? You think about things and you’re good then you remember something else and you have to work through it again. He probably does that too in some weird guy way that we don’t get so it will look like he waffles the way you do. It just comes down to what you want and redirecting yourselves and each other back toward your goal. Stuff will keep trying to pull you off the path and you’ve gotta make yourself go back to the right path and sometimes you have to grab his arm and pull HIM back when he veers off and he’s gotta do that for you too.
I wish I knew what to say or do, unfortunately I am struggling with the same feelings (even though I know I am doing so by choice because I think that somehow it’s for everyone else’s greater benefit). At least you are communicating with him truthfully. It isn’t fun, but honesty is better than lying to yourself and everyone else. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
So sorry for your grief :/ Try to pray and maybe talk to the wise older women/men on here for help. I don’t have any easy answers myself but will think and pray.
Different states of mind, as you are noticing take us different places of the mind and experiences. It’s real essentially necessary to develop a solid sense of self.
I can’t see the video since I’m at work. But I can gather from the comments so far that this is serious. Beth (@aSeriesofFortunateEvents) is an amazing resource and encourager. I would probably echo her sentiments. Nevertheless, I will watch this when I get home. Big hugs to you my friend.
So sorry you’re going through this. I pray things can work out.
There’s no such thing as “a little counseling”. Marriage counseling, when done right, is grueling and painful. But it’s the only way to heal. You gotta clean out the infection in order to heal.
I agree. It seems like the only possible hope for their marriage is counseling.
I cant watch this right now because I am at work and videos dont play but I will watch it later!
Comments (9)
Okay, first of all, breathe. Just count to ten and do nothing but breathe. Secondly, that noise at the end WAS really loud for us.
I’m going to speak candidly so I apologize in advance for anything that is offensive. I’m not trying to be offensive.
Listen, everybody makes mistakes. Every single person. Every single married couple no matter how long they are married goes through times where they get tired of the other person’s shit. Times where they think to themselves, I don’t know if I can take another hour of this, let alone the rest of our lives. ANyone who tells you that’s not a part of marriage is lying to you. In order for any relationship to work, you have to be realistic. It’s not your job to make him happy. It’s not his job to make you happy. Marriage is not about being happy. It’s about love, which often, has not a lot to do with happiness. Anyone who says it does is also lying to you. Love is a decision that you make to support another human being through their shit the way you want to be supported through yours. Not only is it hard, it’s likely one of the hardest things you could ever set out to do. No one tells you that.
My first thought when I watched your video aside from wanting to give you a great big hug, was did you tell HIM this stuff? I don’t care if he doesn’t want to talk, make him listen. Sit him down and tell him what you told us. His initial reaction doesn’t matter. You can’t go forward and neither can he if you leave roadblocks in the way he doesn’t even know about. Then give him time to process it. You both deserve that.
There’s no such thing as “a little counseling”. Marriage counseling, when done right, is grueling and painful. But it’s the only way to heal. You gotta clean out the infection in order to heal.
Whether you move forward together, or apart, that has to happen. You have to be honest with you and know what you want. A marriage can work despite major difficulties. Those feelings can come back around if you do the work now. Make no mistake though, it’s WORK. Walking away is WORK too.
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents -that was possibly the best response I could have hoped to get.
Oh I told him everything. I’m candid. and when I drink… I was beyond candid, if that’s possible. I could usually wrap things up in a nice lovely bubble wrap… but alcohol takes away that bubble wrap of love. I hurt him BAD.
This video was yesterday morning… so this was saturday night that i went out and shit got real.
All day we talked and shared. spend time just ‘dealing’ and being civil. hugged when we didn’t have words and tried to find something hopeful to hold onto… but then it got weird again. that happens a lot. It is very confusing.
I can usually shut of my concerns and just love him, take care of him and be there…. and then suddenly my fears, concerns and pain take that away and I”ms tuck again.
@xXrEMmUsXx - I’m glad! Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day and a good talk doesn’t clear it up right away, you know? You think about things and you’re good then you remember something else and you have to work through it again. He probably does that too in some weird guy way that we don’t get so it will look like he waffles the way you do. It just comes down to what you want and redirecting yourselves and each other back toward your goal. Stuff will keep trying to pull you off the path and you’ve gotta make yourself go back to the right path and sometimes you have to grab his arm and pull HIM back when he veers off and he’s gotta do that for you too.
I wish I knew what to say or do, unfortunately I am struggling with the same feelings (even though I know I am doing so by choice because I think that somehow it’s for everyone else’s greater benefit). At least you are communicating with him truthfully. It isn’t fun, but honesty is better than lying to yourself and everyone else. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
So sorry for your grief :/ Try to pray and maybe talk to the wise older women/men on here for help. I don’t have any easy answers myself but will think and pray.
Different states of mind, as you are noticing take us different places of the mind and experiences. It’s real essentially necessary to develop a solid sense of self.
I can’t see the video since I’m at work.
But I can gather from the comments so far that this is serious. Beth (@aSeriesofFortunateEvents) is an amazing resource and encourager. I would probably echo her sentiments. Nevertheless, I will watch this when I get home. Big hugs to you my friend. 
So sorry you’re going through this. I pray things can work out.
@aSeriesofFortunateEvents -
There’s no such thing as “a little counseling”. Marriage counseling, when done right, is grueling and painful. But it’s the only way to heal. You gotta clean out the infection in order to heal.
I agree. It seems like the only possible hope for their marriage is counseling.
I cant watch this right now because I am at work and videos dont play but I will watch it later!
We are here! thanks for sharing!