March 22, 2013
-
My husband is at his friend’s house tonight… and I’m grateful for his friendships.
He came home a little irritated though and my family was here and things were messy because I was dying everyone’s hair. So, I got hear the ‘this needs to get done before tomorrow’ speech, apparently he didn’t see my to-do list on the computer, nor did he see what I had already done for the day. But… this is the norm. I’m sad that we are back to it. The regular days of hurried conversations are not my friend.
So… I’ve been drowning myself in music (which really isn’t like me) and just wishing this sick feeling in my stomach would go away.
He doesn’t get it. The roses are still beautiful on the table, but I’m not enjoying them today. They are just a reminder that he already stopped trying.
i know, I know. give the guy some credit! right? I’m trying. I really am.
The counseling program contacted us and in a couple days we are supposed to be assigned a ‘care-couple’ to meet with.
I guess I’m just sad.
We have the day to ourselves tomorrow. My parents are taking the kids for the afternoon and the evening. We were both looking forward to it, it was his idea. He was really excited and talked about our time together all week. But, truthfully… i don’t want to go. It’s the day spent trying to find something we both enjoy that remind me so much of our differences.
I should be looking forward to him, to us… instead I just want to skip it and take the kids somewhere.
I’m so tired too. I’m irritable, cold, frustrated and disappointed.
Really… he went to work… stopped at home to change… and in the 10 minutes he was here upset me so much that I don’t even want to be around him. I was glad he had plans that didn’t involve me.
Comments (24)
This is sad. I am in the same boat, but my wife is great around the house, cooking, generous with the monthly allowance she gives me, and very devoted Christian.
It is just she and I do not have a lot in common. Her personality is overpowering and I am by nature passive and people pleasing.
Like you, I am happy when she visits our daughter by herself. I get to do some things that I like. And despite what she says, people love my humor and jokes, and like what I have to say. At home, I am mostly silent.
I try to present a balanced Xanga post about our marriage–she has many fine qualities.
It is my opinion that marriage is tough and not many make it the first time. I can understand why.
I am sorry you are so frustrated.
frank
I see we are Xanga Friends now. I took a one week break from posting in Xanga and will resume posting on Monday the 25th.
Thanks for doing that.
frank
@HUMOR_ME_NOW - Thanks for accepting =]
Try telling him that what he does bothers you or frustrates you, insert your word of choice. As a guy, I can tell you that being direct is the best thing you can do. I’m glad you decided to go through with counseling to see if there’s a way to save this, especially because kids are involved.
@WorldWideWatchman - I’m always direct.
@xXrEMmUsXx - And he still continues on with the behavior that happened this evening?
@xXrEMmUsXx - I really don’t know the whole situation, either. Sorry, if I come off as anything other than trying to help.
@WorldWideWatchman - oh lol… no. you’re fine. I am in a slight mood. Sorry.
It’s not you… and when you post about stuff like this you expect people to try and help. I was just responding… I am pretty direct. It’s kind of what I’m known for. =/ lol
@xXrEMmUsXx - I’m direct too, so we can be in that boat together. I don’t like sugar-coating things and I feel like the longer you hold the truth back about things, the more pressure it’ll build until the soda can pops. I’m sorry life’s dealing you a bad hand right now. Be strong and know that the sun is brightest after night.
I am betting he loves you. I am also betting he just struggles to let you know that. I am betting his whole world revolves around you and he is not getting it when it comes to meeting your needs.
This is all based on how you describe him. You appear to think he is fundamentally good and yet he does not respond to subtle attempts to get his attention.
Marriage is defitely tough. I have been married for 28 years now, and we have had some hard times. We’re having a hard time right now, actually. If you really love each other, and are both committed enough, you will get through it. I know that doesn’t make the bad times suck less. Luck and love to you!!!
@TheTheologiansCafe - he is good… but I’m not sure my attempts are subtle… even so, now what?
@xXrEMmUsXx - Be less subtle without damaging your relationship in any way.
I’m sorry you’re going through a difficult time right now. Marriage is not easy. I hope the counseling can help you with that. Counseling was the best thing me and my husband ever did. Having an objective outsider can really make a world of difference, especially when you and your spouse have different personality types. I’m an ENFJ and he is an INTP – we’re almost complete opposites. If you two are the same way, well, you know how much of a challenge it can be.
Best of luck with everything!
@TheTheologiansCafe - honestly, I’m wrong for this… but I don’t care about dancing around anymore trying to make him feel better. I’m f’ing done and we need help. and that is how i said it to him…. so I don’t think i have taken the subtle route.
@firetyger - yeah I’m an ENFP and he is an ISTJ…. so, there you go =]
I am scared about the counseling.
i know marriage is work… I didn’t know how much work it could potentially be in the long run, but even as young as we were getting married I knew that.
hanging in there
We’re not built to be anything all of the time, we can’t stay in love indefinitely any more than we can stay miserable or angry forever. It comes and goes.
With any luck you’ll get it back though.
I haven’t been on xanga much so if you’re having broader problems forgive my ignorance.
@WorldWideWatchman - “As a guy, I can tell you that being direct is the best thing you can do.”
Amen to that.
Oy! I’m sorry things are reverting back again. I really hope the counseling will help.
Summer, I am so sorry. I’m not gonna suggest anything, advise anything, I’m gonna pray for you and your family. I hope he learns to see you, and accept you, and love you for you.
sounds all too familiar. hang in there.
I’m reading Different By Design… And it talks about stuff like this! I dunno if it’s your kind of read, but it might help you out too.
I hope things go well for you, and that you can rest & relax, and learn to appreciate each other. Best wishes!!
Sending a hug your way
cool story