June 12, 2013
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i want to punch things
Apparently all the work we’ve done hasn’t changed much.
He would probably say the same thing from his perspective.
Back to the criticism today. The last two days. Constant nagging. Greated with a kiss? Absolutely not… just a list of all the things my busy schedule kept me from. and YES, the waterpark for the boys was and IS on the schedule. It is the reason we bought season passes. It is for them. Memories. Activities… the things I didn’t get to do as a kid while my mom slept our youth away in her room.
I’m NOT lazy. I’m NOT dirty. I know DIRTY… I grew up in filth. I know lazy, I was raised by lazy.
Don’t you dare think you can treat me this way.
It will NOT motivate me.
It will NOT change me.
It will NOT help anything.
It will push me away,
It will shut me down.
It will ruin me.
All this after his mother bails on us this week because she now has her 19 yr old single daughter living at home with a newborn and now my kids aren’t welcome while they ‘adjust’. More rejection. More pain. More frustration.
All this followed by him telling me if I don’t start cleaning more he will leave me. Yep… that’s right. Now that I’m trying my hardest to maintain an emotional, physical and romantic connection… let’s just start talking about leaving each other again. That will fix everything.
At this point. I want to punch things. I want to buy new things and make drastic changes to try and deal with the shitty feeling I’m left up to handle.
My children fell asleep to us yelling at each other. No story time… no snuggles.
So now I’m thinking about Xanga. I’m going to miss this place…. the fact that you guys know my story… that I have somewhere to turn through the ups and downs on the same garbage.
Totally bummed.
Comments (12)
Ultimatums like that don’t help motivate a relationship
They just make things harder. I’d want to punch things too.
I really hope Xanga survives so that you still have a place to go when you need to write to get things off your chest or to have the support of friends.
*hugs*
So sorry for the setback and that he’s reverted to nagging you and threatening to leave. A lot of us have opened up a WordPress. Maybe you should too just in case Xanga closes.
@musterion99 - i did. gave you my contact… i just need to take the time to connect there…. =] it’s jus that I wanted my workpress to be be ‘cleaner’… more focused… so I might have to open 2… something anonymous… well, xanga kind of anonymous =]
That is so sad on so many levels. Sorry but it is pathetic he would leave you for being a awesome mom and skipping out on chores. Damn rights I would pick the water park over cleaning if I had children. I wouldn’t give up yet though! Sometimes people make mistakes and fall back into.old ways. I would just wait till everyone is a bit calmer and tell him how inapporpriate his comment was, how it made you feel and what you think you guys should do to get back on track. It is amazing the difference that has made in my relationshil but then again different things work for different people. I hope you guys can work this out and continue back on track with rebuilding your relationship again. Hugs to you!
Sorry this is going on. Sounds like one or both of you seem to see things as great or pieces of crap (well, at least on his side in this instance). I dont think if your (dont) clean x amount, suggesting he leaves you is good. Seems like he is trying to emotionally blackmail you into doing things. I am so sorry.
However, I dont think all the work you have done is for nothing. If y’all do more counseling that is something I would bring up. Plus, we your readers dont have an idea of how much you do or do not clean (only you and him do and your individual expectations may vary as well). Nor do we have an idea of how much he might be using emotional blackmail to try to get his way. I hope you both keep working at your relationship and things get better.
Do you have access to a punching bag? I don’t mean your hubby either. Try a batting cage or bowling. Both are great activities that takes some stress out.
How old is he? Just curious.
There will be mess at home with 2 younger children. That’s just life. Taking care of little kids is a lot of work. Does he help you in that area?
Old patterns are easy to fall back into, huh? I hope things go better! Donkey Nuzzles!
we all have multiple personalities in a sense that the lingering latent memories that trigger us continue to “take” us back to behaviors that we used before… invent new behaviors.
@sf2slc - How old is Johnny? 26.
Now that I’m at school 4 nights a week and Saturdays, its even harder to meet expectations of cleaning. If I leave early in the morning and didn’t clean (even though i wasn’t there all day or the night before)… then I’m lazy.
*sigh* I am so so sorry. I wish there was a way to make things like this just disappear and resolve just like *that*. I hate the waiting it out period, the trying to make it work phase of a relationship because it’s so scary and there’s little to nothing besides a magic window to peer into the future and see how it pans out and whether or not you’re making the right choices now.
And honestly, my mom was one of those moms who stayed home all day and cleaned and made me and my sister clean ALL the time. I mean our house was spotless museum condition all the time.And that really sucked. I wish that my mom would’ve taken us out to do fun things instead of making us scrub the house from top to bottom every day. It wasn’t any fun, it created no memories, and really I resent the fact that every day I had to mop, sweep, scrub every surface every day. A bit of a messy/disorganized house isn’t going to kill anyone and it’s a stupid thing to make an ultimatum over. It’s unfair and ludicrous. Out of everything else he could threaten to leave you over he chooses to make it about the cleanliness of the house…. yeah, someone’s priorities are not straight and it’s not you.
@xXrEMmUsXx Unfortunately, most guys aren’t very mature before 30 year old. They become more mature thereafter. What are you studying in school? That’s great that you have a drive to be better in life. He needs to take a notch down since you’re in school (I take it that you’re in school to be a better provider for the family?). Does he help out with the cleaning?
- @thegunslingergirl - My dad’s the same way; the house has to be spotless at all times. He was in the military at one point. Most of the surface are cleaned daily. I like my place (now) to be clean too, but not as rigid or spotless.
In his paranoid mind anything that might make someone think he’s not perfect is a deliberate attack on him. He sees a smudge of dirt on something and it’s as though you put it there just to hurt him. And believe me you will never be perfect enough to satisfy anyone’s neurosis. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re not doing enough, he’s the one with the problem. Because it could devolve from this petty bickering crap into full-blown abuse and if at that point you’re still taking his craziness at face value and thinking “what if I was just even more perfect, would that help?” then you’re screwed. That’s every abusive relationship, the abuser externalizes blame and the abused party internalizes it.
He needs help. But he probably won’t get it : ( Sorry.